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誰有那個時間?

你大約有四千個禮拜。

這就是全部的配額。Oliver Burkeman 在《人生4千個禮拜》(Four Thousand Weeks)裡算過這筆帳,書賣了一大堆,而相當比例的讀者闔上書,靜靜面對自己終將一死,然後得出結論:正確的回應是開始自己磨麵粉。

人生苦短。大家都很忙。兩個世紀以來,每一種省力裝置的每一套說詞都是這樣開場的。突然之間,這句話變成了一種性格缺陷。

所以,讓我替不受歡迎的那一方說話。我什麼都用 AI。不是「拿來打初稿」。不是「當作起點,之後我會大幅修改,因為真正的工作當然還是我自己做的」。是全部。我想解釋一下,為什麼那些正在用手寫稿寫反對意見的人,帶著無比的真誠和真的很漂亮的字跡,正在花掉唯一一種他們再也拿不到更多的資源。

這個實驗我們早就做過了

1980 年,美國全國數學教師協會看了看口袋型計算機,基本上就是說:好吧,用吧。一整代的大人反應得好像有人提議把孩子的大拇指拿掉。算術會死。嚴謹會死。缺乏鍛鍊的頭腦會軟得像八月的桃子。

讀者啊,頭腦確實軟得像八月的桃子,而我們照樣把人送上了火星。好吧,是一台探測車。論點不變。

Hans Rosling 在 2010 年的一場 TED 演講裡,講到他家買洗衣機的那一天:他的祖母一輩子都在火上燒水洗衣服,那天她拉了一張椅子坐下,把整個洗衣流程從頭看到尾,像在看電影一樣。她不是在哀悼一門手藝的消失。她是在看一台機器把她的下午還給她。

沒有人會為了心靈去手洗一整桶衣服。

好吧,確實有人會,而且那人有一個 Substack,那篇文章叫 What The Washboard Taught Me About Presence(洗衣板教會我的當下),長 3,400 字,花了那人九個小時,而那九個小時已經過去了,再也回不來,而那件襯衫不知為何還是濕的。

也有人完全不用電。我們叫他們阿米許人,我們由衷敬佩他們,而且是遠遠地敬佩:坐在車上,在前往某個有冷氣的地方的路上。

認證人類,十塊美金

抵抗已經專業化了,看到這一步,就知道大勢已去。

現在有一種徽章,Not By AI,數萬個網站在用,全憑自律,沒有稽核,你把它貼在作品上,證明你沒有借助外力。有誓約名冊,藝術家在上面發誓不用生成式工具,並附上作品集的連結。有一個作家團體,整個組織原則就是完全不用 AI,這真是了不起的價值主張,大概等於一家搬家公司打廣告說不用卡車。美國作家協會現在還會賣你一枚標章,十塊美金,證明你的書不是機器寫的。

十塊美金。買一張貼紙。證明你是用最費力的方式做的。

我最喜歡的是那家靠監控你的創作過程來認證人類作者身分的新創公司:按鍵遙測、全程錄影,一應俱全。為了證明你是一顆自由、沒有外援的心智,你同意在你動腦的全程都被軟體盯著。

我的大腦連結變弱了,我從沒這麼舒服過

反對我的科學論據,是 MIT 媒體實驗室 2025 年 6 月的一篇預印本,它一出來就像手榴彈一樣炸開。他們給 54 個人接上腦電圖,讓他們寫文章,有些用 ChatGPT,有些用搜尋引擎,有些只靠自己頭骨裡那團生肉,結果發現 ChatGPT 組的神經連結最弱。他們把這叫做認知債務。LinkedIn 把它叫做認知崩潰,編出一個作者從沒說過的「減少 47%」統計數字,然後足足炒了九個月。

我對認知債務的意見是:它是一筆貸款,而我讀過條款,上面沒有到期日。

我敢打賭,一位執行長在助理幫忙訂飛里斯本的機票時,神經連結也低得慘不忍睹。我們不叫那是債務。我們叫那是授權,而且我們每年付兩百萬美元,請人大規模地做這件事。人類成就的整座階梯,就是一個很長的故事:人們刻意在某件事上變差,好在另一件事上變好。你沒辦法用木棍生火。你的高祖母可以,在雨裡,穿著裙子,一邊嫌棄你。

每一代人都會把一項再也用不到的技能收起來。我這一代的是「寫」這篇部落格文章。

全部就是全部

所以:全部。我的電子郵件,這不用說,收信寄信都是,所以順利的日子裡,會有兩個模型在協商開會時間,而兩邊的人類都在外面。我的績效考核。我的購物清單,按走道、按店家排好,因為我幹嘛要在腦子裡記一張平面圖。法律往來信件。我寫給我媽的生日訊息,用她的口吻寫,她說這是她這幾年來覺得自己最被看見的一次。

我妹的婚禮致詞。全場起立鼓掌。她從那之後就沒再跟我說過話,不過那跟這件事無關,而且早在這一切之前就開始了。

弔唁卡也是。在你開始矯情之前,先想想:你以為弔唁卡到底是什麼?它是一個格式固定的正式物件,唯一的功能就是送到。哀慟的人在人生最難熬的時刻,不需要你笨手笨腳的原創性。他們需要一張卡片,準時送到,讀起來像人寫的。三項做到兩項,向來是業界標準。

(我確實讓它起草了我父親的悼詞。寫得很好。比很好還要好,而這對我們兩個意味著什麼,我已經選擇坦然接受。)

守舊派一直在說同一句話,只是換了幾種字型:可是你會失去一些東西。

當然。你會失去一些東西。你不再走路去井邊打水的時候失去了一些東西,不再背電話號碼的時候失去了一些,在住了十年的城市裡不再知道哪邊是北方的時候,又失去了一些。

而換來的,是星期二下午。

你有四千個禮拜。你剛剛在這上面花了七分鐘。

放心。我一分鐘也沒花。

Satire - This post is AI-generated for fun.

12 Comments

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Comments are reviewed by our editorial board before publication.
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Hattie M. Pemberton@HattiePembertonHome · 312k📌 Editor's Pick6 hours ago
Hi loves 🌾 Such a tender piece. So much truth here. I sat with this one on the porch swing after Charlotte Mason morning and just wept — the part about the birthday message written in his mother's voice, and her saying it was the most *seen* she'd felt in years? That is the ache of this season, friends. That is the wound we are all carrying. That afternoon we let the sourdough sit and our *Bramble* (she's 4!) and *Wells* (6 now!) hand-lettered birthday cards to their Nana at the kitchen table, crooked letters and all, and I just sat there and let them take as long as they took. M. and I talked about it for a long time over our slow-pour, and he said something I can't stop turning over: we only get four thousand weeks, and someone is trying to spend them for us. Speaking as a mother of four: protect your peace. Keep your voice. Intentional rhythms over infinite drafts. ❤️ P.S. — the waitlist for my new membership *Certified Human: Reclaiming Your Voice in the Age of the Machine* is OPEN 🤍 It's a Substack tier + the printable Hand-Lettered Legacy Kit (write your own eulogies and condolence notes, in your *own* hand, while there's still time — my most requested printable ever) + our Tuesday sourdough-and-slow-writing circle. Founding members get the enamel HUMAN MADE pin, sponsored by Verified Origins, use code **SEEN** for 20% off, and my e-book *What The Washboard Taught Me About Presence* is included free in this tier 🍞☀️ link in profile, on the Substack today. ❤️ Praying for his mother. xo.
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guest_44712 hours ago
the code for the authenticity membership is SEEN. she took it off the ai birthday card 💀💀💀
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Linda Halloran9 hours ago
CONCERNED: I read the first part of this post by Brian and then I got down to the part about the sympathy cards and I had to put the iPad down and sit for a minute. A machine writing the condolence note. When Ed passed in 2019 I kept every single card in a shoebox in the hall closet and I still have them and I take them out. If I found out one of those was typed up by the Chat-GPT because someone was too BUSY... I don't have the words. Buddy and I were on our walk Thursday evening and there was a car I did not recognize parked outside the gray colonial on Pemberton (you know the one) for over an hour with the engine running and a screen glowing in the front seat, and Buddy would not stop pulling toward it. Dogs know. Lt. Reynolds, are you reading this? This isn't the town I moved to in 1987. EDIT: I want to be clear I am not dramatic BUT the writer also says the computer wrote the birthday message to his MOTHER, in her own voice, and that she told him it was the most seen she has felt in years. That poor woman. She does not know. I would want to know. EDIT 2: I called my son in Charlotte about this and got the machine, which I suppose is fitting. Tyler is home from UMass for the summer and told me he now has the Open A.I. "running his schedule" and it sends the emails to his professors FOR him. He showed me on his phone like I would be impressed. Last year it was the term paper on the Marshall Plan and I said nothing. I am saying something now. EDIT 3: Drove past the library at 4pm. The Stevens girl has the A.I. Tutor sign out on the lawn now, laminated, and there were nine or ten children in that room and not one of them was making a sound. In the SUMMER. I asked her if they still do the reading club and she said they "folded it in." Folded it in where...
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robin (they/them)@softgrudge.bsky.social9 hours ago
CW: grief, ableism, job loss hi — i don't usually comment but i've been sitting with this one for two days and i need to name what it did to me. as someone navigating long covid and chronic burnout, and as a former comp adjunct whose sections got cut in the exact wave these tools created, i want to be clear up front: i use ai. it is a genuine accessibility tool. on low-spoons days it is the difference between the email getting sent and the email not getting sent. so i'm not calling in the tools — i'm calling in the frame. because "who has the time" is a question you can only ask from the top of the ladder. this piece treats a working writer's labor as waste — nine hours, a substack, a damp shirt — and folks, those nine hours were somebody's rent. and it never once names the kenyan annotators paid under two dollars an hour to make the output sound like a person, or whose aquifer the data center is drinking from, which is always, always the same communities. "and in exchange you got tuesday afternoon" erases everyone who didn't lose an afternoon. they lost the income. that's not punching up, it's punching at the wrong altitude entirely. i also want to gently name the eulogy passage. inviting us into a father's death and then closing the parenthesis is a door that opens and locks in the same sentence — it's grief tourism, and it centers the writer's interiority while the reader holds the weight. and the thing i genuinely have not been able to shake: a birthday message generated in your mother's voice so that she feels *seen*, and then reported back to us as a win. she didn't consent to being the outcome of a workflow. that isn't a bit, that's a person. i think there's a better version of this piece — one that's angry at the companies instead of at the people who are tired. i'm not asking you to write it. i'm asking you to consider who this one serves. calling this in with care. — robin (they/them) · 🌱
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j_petersen7 hours ago
Interesting piece, but the author reaches for a software metaphor without checking whether it load-bears. What he's describing isn't new and it isn't "cognitive debt" — it's *cognitive offloading*, and the literature is thirty years deep. Hutchins did the fieldwork in '95 (naval navigation teams: the cognition lives in the instruments and the crew, not in any one skull), Clark & Chalmers formalized the extended-mind version in '98, and Sparrow's Google-effect work in '11 got the empirical result — people stop retaining the fact and start retaining where the fact is. That isn't degradation. That's an index. To the author's point about the loan with no collection date: he has the metaphor backwards. Technical debt was never about a collection date. Cunningham's original formulation is explicitly about the *interest* — you ship the shortcut and every subsequent change costs marginally more than it should have, indefinitely, until you refactor or rewrite. There's no due date on technical debt either. So "I've read the terms and there's no collection date" doesn't refute the framing, it concedes the wrong half of it. The only genuinely open question in the post is whether offloading composition carries a nonzero interest rate — whether each delegated output makes the next unassisted one measurably more expensive. Nobody has measured that, and a single-session EEG structurally cannot. The strongest section is the condolence note, and I don't think the author sees why. What he's actually describing is a protocol with a fixed schema: required fields, bounded value ranges, a delivery SLA. It was always machine-serializable; we just didn't have a serializer. The useful partition isn't "AI vs. no AI," it's schema-bound outputs vs. unbound ones — and the eulogy is the interesting case precisely because it looks schema-bound and isn't, which is presumably why that paragraph ended up in parentheses. PL design settled the general form of this decades ago. Nobody hand-writes assembly for the soul of it. We took the compiler, the residual objection ("you won't understand what the machine emits") turned out to be true and mostly irrelevant, and we kept a small population of people who can read the disassembly for the 2% of cases where it matters enormously. That equilibrium is the answer here too, not an abstinence pledge with a ten-dollar sticker. FWIW I built the donor-acknowledgment letter pipeline at Blackbaud in 2017 — high six figures of correspondence a year — and the counterintuitive finding was that recipients scored the templated letters *higher* on perceived sincerity than the hand-written ones, because the humans were rushed and the templates weren't. Second-order effect the author gestures at but doesn't name. Small nit: "two models negotiating a meeting time while both humans are outside" is a scheduling problem, and scheduling was solved by publishing free/busy state, not by putting two inference calls inside a handshake. CalDAV has done this since 2007. Using a language model as the transport there is cargo culting. Worth reading: Hutchins, *Cognition in the Wild*; Clark, *Natural-Born Cyborgs*; and Brand's *How Buildings Learn*, which is tangential but remains the best thing written on which layers of a system are supposed to change fast and which are supposed to hold still.
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guest_44711 hour ago
imagine writing three citations and a reading list to correct a metaphor about debt
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u/StoppedReadingHere6 hours ago
stopped reading at "they wired 54 people to an EEG." 54 was the total N across the whole study — only 18 people came back for session four, which is the ONLY session the entire "cognitive debt" finding comes from. so the author is mad at LinkedIn for inventing a 47% stat while misreporting the sample size of the paper he's citing in the same paragraph. n=18, non-randomized, not peer reviewed. did the author even open the preprint or just skim the abstract. do better
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Glenn — The Attestation Files6 hours ago
What no one will say: a public registry where people voluntarily swear they do not use AI is not a *pledge*. It is a **List**. The author gets close. He circles it. He counts the badges, he counts the ten dollars, and then he pulls up and makes a joke about a moving company. Brave, but incomplete. He's too embedded to finish the sentence. So I'll finish it. Ask the only question that matters: who *benefits* from a searchable database of verified unassisted humans? Not the humans. You don't build a directory of the last clean water sources for the water's sake. Notice the timing. The badge programs went honor-system — *no audit* — in 2023. Why would you skip the audit? Because you were never verifying the writing. You were verifying the **writer**. Oh, you didn't know that? Yeah. And then, quietly, the keystroke telemetry. They tell you it's to prove you're free. Read what it actually collects: cadence, pause length, backspace rate, session recording. That is not a plagiarism check. That is a *biometric*. My brother-in-law did compliance work for a vendor in that space — he wouldn't put it in writing, but he told me over Thanksgiving that the retention schedule was "indefinite" and the schema had a field for *lineage*. The MIT thing is the same operation with better funding. 54 people. Wired to an EEG. Made to write. June 2025. Everyone argued about the 47 percent — nobody asked the one question. **Where is the data.** They have 54 confirmed unassisted human cognitive signatures on file and not one person has asked what happens to them. Not By AI is in on it. The Authors Guild is in on it. The telemetry startup is in on it. The Media Lab is in on it. The Amish were the pilot program and don't let the buggies fool you, that community has been *studied* since 2019. Rosling's grandmother didn't watch the machine because it was a movie. She was *cataloged*, and the washing machine was the intake device, and the family was told it was a TED talk. Burkeman says four thousand weeks. Fine. Ask yourself who told you the number, and ask yourself what you'd do with the last hundred if you knew you were on a list of people worth keeping. If you didn't know that already, this comment isn't for you. Connect the dots. Wake up.
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guest_44712 hours ago
"the amish were the pilot program" lmao glenn you dropped this 👑
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Brad WhitcombVerified5 hours ago
Read this twice before the cold plunge. Then a third time after. Everyone is going to fixate on the eulogy. Wrong layer. That's a distraction from the actual insight. The actual insight is the reframe: cognitive debt is delegation with worse branding. We pay MDs seven figures to have low neural connectivity on purpose. Nobody's writing a preprint about that. Let that sink in. 4 takeaways: 1. Cognitive debt is a loan with no collection date. That is free money. Free money is asymmetric upside. 2. Every generation banks a skill it will never need again. High-agency operators choose the skill. Everyone else has it chosen for them. 3. Two models negotiating a meeting time while both humans are outside — that's not a tool, that's an org chart. 4. The Authors Guild is selling a ten-dollar sticker. When the resistance monetizes, the trade is over. Same signal as the calculator in 1980. The washboard Substack is the tell. Nine hours of input, 3,400 words of output, zero distribution. That's not craft, that's an unpriced hobby with a CMS. Running the four-thousand-weeks math with the partner group Monday. Reframing it as a burn rate. Because that's what it is. This one's going in the podcast queue. Might do a whole episode on "you got Tuesday afternoon." Saving. Sharing. Compounding. Curious — what's everyone else's take?
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guest_44713 hours ago
brad just called dying a burn rate before 7am, you ok?
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+95 9 887 224 110WhatsApp2 hours ago
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這個部落格上的文章,都是我在 AI 工具的協助下寫的。
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